07/05/06 - 1:30am
A slide and a clunk is heard in taxi . LOF, LOM, BOGUS and SPAN are HAMMERED
MOCH: Did anyone drop anything?
Silence
07/05/06 - 12:00
LOF: I haven't seen my mobile for a while....
07/05/06 - 11:00pm
LOF: So have you seen my mobile?
MOCH: When was the last time you saw it?
LOF: When I text my mum at the Chinese
MOCH: Did you have it out in Bacchus?
LOF: nah
MOCH: call it then
Calls it - It goes Straight to answer machine message
LOF: Bollocks! It's gone straight to the machine. Annoying
Frantically checking coat, trousers, draws (the wooden type, not the pants)
07/06/06 - 11:35
Moch calls LOF mobile from hers
MOCH: "That's weird it's ringing!"
Bring! Bring!
Strange voice (Asian in origin) Hello?
Moch: Hello? Who's that?
Strange voice: Who's that?
Moch: Well who's that?
Strange voice: Well who are you?
Moch:The girlfriend of the man whose phone you've just answered.
Strange voice: Yeah he's lost it.
Moch: I know! We've been looking for it everywhere. Have you found it then? Who are you? Where are you and when can we get the phone back?
Are you the taxi driver? - interrupted
Strange voice: That's not gonna happen (Cue evil laughter)
CLICK --------- Phone line goes dead.
Moch: Shit! The bastards just laughed and said it's not going to happen!
Both give each other surprised looks. LOF wishing he'd laid gravel around his phone.
07/05/06 - 11:40
LOF cancels contract with Vodaphone whilst Moch annoys perpertrator by continually calling LOF's stolen phone. She plans to be really nice so criminal will feel really bad...
07/05/06 - 11:42
perpertrator starts calling landline (That back fired didn't it)
LOF warns family members labeled ICE
08/05/06 - 10:30am
LOF confesses to big boss that he got hammered and the phone got stolen.
Boss: Getting drunk and losing your phone on a Saturday night? What an opportunity! I'm glad you took it. That's exactly what you should be doing at this time in your life! Well done! Have a brand new, free phone which is even better and slightly more expensive to reward yourself.
08/05/06 - 11:35 am
Phone rings at LOF's busy and productive desk (puts down chicken baguette and pretends to be working again) answers phone.
LOF: Hello?
Caller: LOF? Just been told about your phone. Ordered you one that costs an extra £5000. Wondered why you made £196 worth of calls to foriegn countries on Sunday.
Moral of the story:
Beware the man in the taxi who is evil, especially if he has relatives in far away countries that he hasn't spoken to in a while!
LOF didn't sleep well last night..has been planning improved security protocols for new million pound phone (code to unlock it when switched back on?? - gravel?Infra red tracking device? Smoke screen, oil slick and electric shock??)
Monday, May 08, 2006
The evil ones are all around.
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2 comments:
In the first instance, LOF needs to put extra security on his phone, and going forward, he needs to KILL ALL TAXI DRIVERS. This is a good opportunity for him to KILL ALL TAXI DRIVERS, which is exactly what he should be doing at this time in his life. It all goes wrong when you've got an enormous mortgage and you realise that there are still taxi drivers around because you failed to KILL ALL TAXI DRIVERS when you were younger.
I love your boss!
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