It's been a tough ol' week. The pressure should be off now what with only 1 week until the end of term but the news of a loss as big as the one my form and I suffered this week made it a complicated and difficult week for everyone. It's a really tough pill to swallow. No one should ever have to suffer the loss of someone who is so young; it seems unfair. I know that there are always reasons for things and I have to keep my faith in that respect. I just wish that this particular thing didn't have to happen.

When I was that age i'd only just had my first kiss, I was beginning to explore the possibilty I had talent in music and I was only just beginning to learn who I was. There was still so much I had to do and of course I never really knew that.

I was so proud of them. They were so brave and resiliant and mature and fabulous and without that I think I would have fallen in a heap. I had underestimated them and for that I was sorry and pleasantly surprised. Something like this helps to remind me that these kids struggle everyday to be the person they think they should be. Most of the time that person is someone they are not and the real them is so much more than the person they think they need to be. I think some of them learnt that lesson this week too.

I've been better this week. A long talk with someone with their feet on the ground last week and this event have pulled me back. I had a meeting where I got enthusiastic without being unrealistic about time frames and my faith in my ability to do this job properly without having to 'change the world' has been slowly trickling back into me. I have a really important job to do, I always have had, and I can't allow a confused ideal alter what is the here and now. I have to stop beating myself up with comparison; it breaks one of my own golden rule! It's a waste of enery. I always laugh when other giggle at my occasional slip up - talking about how shit things feel doesn't actually solve the problem! Now I've stopped over analysing and doing a literary critism of my work life I am actually starting to see the wood for trees and no decisions need to be made right now. It's not so important anymore.